do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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