I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize