i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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