I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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