break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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