gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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