my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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