This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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