Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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