Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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