saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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