I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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