i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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