Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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