we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
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in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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