I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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