I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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