dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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