My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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