just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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