I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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