I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize