Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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