Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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