I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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