I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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