I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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