Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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