You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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