I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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