she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
