I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize