is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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