I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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