a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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