My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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