It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize