wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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