Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize