just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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