I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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