someone threw a dead crab at me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize