When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize