I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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