you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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