Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize