i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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