I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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