I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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