I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize